Hospitality

For all those who didn’t know, I was operated on Friday. A small surgery to remove a small bothering part from my neck; the entire thing took just one day. But being my first “admission” in a hospital and first surgery, everything was new to me, and thus, new experiences. Below are a few funny incidences, situations, and some that made me feel like a nutcase!
1.       A week before the surgery I was given a dosage of a supposedly strong medicine Augmentin. Explaining the gravity to me, my dad said, “Augmentin pata hain kya karta hain?” And I very nonchalantly said, “Wand se paani laata hain!” (Ref: Harry Potter series, the spell for water is “Aguamenti!”)
2.       Obviously I told my friends in college that I would be away for a while. So one smart alec asked me, obviously referring to the hospital, (after I had mentioned a dozen times) “So, where will you be operated?” I pointed to my neck and said, “Here!”
3.       The hospital itself was not less-funny. When I was being “wheeled in” to the Operation Theatre (weird! Since I could obviously walk), everyone from the adjoining beds peeped from their curtains. Some even unabashedly stared as the nurse pushed my chair. But the best were obviously a pair of aunties – one waved at me with a huge smile as though I was on a ride in a fair, while the other said “All the best!” Umm…what was that?
4.       The operation theatre was a rather weird place. I was waiting outside the OT for a good 45 minutes till being actually taken into the room. In that period every doctor/nurse/anaesthetist, stared at me with a sympathetic expression. I smiled back till one nurse wiped her nose on the hem of her gown. Wait, weren’t those supposed to be sterilised?!
5.       Along came the doctor and his junior I gathered.
Doc (turning my head to the extreme right): See that? Over there? We need to make a cut there.
Assistant (turning my head to the left): Yes. Yes. I see it.
Doc (turning my head to the extreme right again): I think I see one more.
Assistant (turning my head to the left again): Yes I think I see one more too.
Doc (turning my head to the extreme right again): I can even feel it here.
Assistant (turning my head to the left again): Yes yes. I think even I can feel it.
Doc (turning my head to the extreme right again!): Do you have a marker? We’ll mark the incision spot.
Assistant moves out, doc continues to move head again and again. Assistant comes in, doc marks; both leave without speaking to me. Not even a word!
6.       Along came a middle aged nurse/doctor who asked me if I could walk, I said I could and gladly got of the bed. She then dragged me, no literally pulled me; two corridors into the OT. Post this she couldn’t lower the OT bed to my level, so she asked, “Can you jump?” Well, yes, I jumped onto the bed on which I was to be operated on; reminding me of the way I sit on the railings on bus stops.
7.       Nevertheless, I thought this is it! Now the surgery will start and I will be unconscious. When she asked me what my age was. I said “20!”. She looked at me like I had suddenly transformed into daisy duck and asked, “Sure?” What to say? She then proceeded to check my medical file for my age, and then said “Just checking, you see?” Yes. Right.
8.       The operation was done and I came into consciousness in the “post recovery room.” One room in the hospital where people scream at the top of the voices, since all the inhabitants are obviously under the effect of anaesthesia. I raised my hand to attract the attention of the nurse on duty. She came, lifted my oxygen mask, and proceeded to push me out of the room back to my ward. Obviously, my stay was done.
9.       Back to my ward, I suddenly thought of a discussion my mom and sister were having about someone’s dead pet dog the previous night when I was already half asleep. Don’t really know how it came to my head, so I asked my parents, “Kiska kutta mar gaya?” Thinking I was still under the anaesthetic effect they both said together, “Mary miss ka!”
That was my hospital stay, though a lot of other things happened, these were some things that irked me and yes are memorable.  J Happy Navratri!
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2 thoughts on “Hospitality

  1. LOL ! Even I had an incident… I was partly under influence of full anaesthesia when d senior doc started talking to me about football. Initially I underestimated her knowledge, but was shocked when in fact she turned out to be more knowledgeable than me!

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