Caution: I am in a horribly introspective mood, for two days now. All the thoughts below are a result of the same! Not my usual writing, but I guess, this is necessary! Comments WANTED! Whichever friend you are! 🙂
Friends…troubles? Trouble makers? Trouble solvers? Best friends, close friends, buddies, bum chums, chaddhi baddies, langotiya yaar? BFFS, special friends, secret friends, building friends, gully friends, avehi friends? Hi bye friends, online friends, competition friends, just-by-the-way friends, acquaintances, contacts.
Somehow, all my friends are divided this way, and I am sure a lot of other peoples too! And I always thought it was this way since the end of time till a close friend (see I am categorising again!) said that the 2-3 friends he had were enough for him always. And I started wondering (like I always do) of what I had achieved of having sooo many friends?
I have friends all over the world, thanks to the competitions I go to. I have friends in every age group (provided I can call 50+ people friends too); I have friends in possibly every strata of the society, every nook and every corner of the city with different pursuits. But frankly did I ever, have ENOUGH friends?
I still wonder! I socialise for sure. One look at my FB profile and you’ll know I have some 575 and ever increasing list of friends, on Orkut some 300…but frankly, did I stay in touch, or care about even 10 of them? Okay, maybe that was rude, but inherently, I always end up thinking about too many friends and bothering with their problems! But when I need to confide, I doubt there are more than 2-3 people who’ll know what my “status” is really.
Do I blame social networking sites for this state? Peer pressure to be online all the time? My voyeuristic need to see into everyone’s life? Or is it simply my inability to deal with friends outside my virtual world screen. Possibly the last, maybe the first. Maybe a bit of all of those.
True, a lot of my friends exist on my computer/laptop screen. Actually, my closest (categorising!) friends are the ones I met online. Even today, when I meet a friend in college, I won’t speak as openly to him/her as I would, if I were on chat. And it has nothing to do with “secret friends” thingy.
Is it that the impersonal form of communication makes it easier? No. I think chats are horrible forms to communicate something serious. But looking back, the best and the most life changing conversations I have had have been online.
Am I complaining? Am I FINALLY turning into the grandma-in-new-skin that my friends always predicted I was? Talking negatively about the social networking sites I am so addicted to? Or is the lack of real friends or all the friendships going sour that is affecting me this way?
I think I might not know. Not now, and maybe to not bothered to know later. For now, I want to inform the world. I have successfully quit Farmville, stayed away from Facebook for most part of this week. Kept away from the mobile till I didn’t really want to use it. Not stayed on the phone for long, and rediscovered my first love.
My books. To all those people who were frustrated of my commenting, my posts on their walls, my absolute domination on their news feeds. Here you go. I think I am cutting off. I need to get out. And discover friends again.
To my online friends, I am not leaving you so soon! Just cutting down. And my friends list too! 🙂
The silhouette of relationships, when the heart yearns for a person to share a lot of things with!